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I have spent my entire life in search of something that I could feel, but never find. Something I was certain I desperately needed, but I could not even describe. All of my time and energy was poured into pursuing the obvious, always haunted by moments of insight that briefly revealed the futility of my efforts, yet vanished like vapor from my grasp.

Does this sound familiar?

All of my successes and failures, and flashes of joy surrounded by some pervasive internal flaw, were footsteps on a journey that succeeded in going nowhere.

But, they were not in vain.

Like all true men in this world, all the thinkers and conquerors, all the poets and wizards, I was driven by pain, desperately trying to find something to fill the limitless void inside me.

Until the day I stopped. Admitting failure, I removed the blindfold of determination and prepared myself for the inevitable. My journey's judge would be merciless, for I knew I had gone nowhere.

And there I would have stayed, sentenced and executed, were it not for the grace of one, measureless ingredient, that had been mixed in to the cauldron of my life…

And from that infinite, infinitesimal agent, I suddenly realized the one thing I had discovered in my life, me. *I* had changed.

With the incantation of that thought, in one moment, with one catalytic awareness, the universe ignited, and the desperation of a lifetime was compressed into a singular being, and exploded outward. I no longer sought what could never be found; I created what was needed, for I had become a man.

Here, I have chosen to scribble down formula snippets and catalog some results of my ever-intriguing life. Do not expect to discover, hidden between the lines or buried in the images, the secret element that birthed me into the world, for I give it to you freely:


This blog is about Love.


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My Sol’s pages:

I Speak Alchemy (NSFW)

Sol’s Little Window (SFW)

ispeakalchemy:

Jessica Rabbit - Why Don’t You Do Right?

I’m practicing for Halloween. :)

OK, Feisty Little Girl…But I am going to be the one deciding the precise meaning of “Doing You Right”…

Sol, my impressions of our recent night out…here is how I recall it beginning:

 

“I am sorry, sir, your reservations are not ready just yet.  May I get you a table on the veranda while you wait?”

I was not impressed.  I had prepared this evening as a reward for Sol’s stellar behavior of late, and I didn’t want anything to ruin it.

“I assume we can smoke on the terrace…?”  And with that, the maître d’ led us to a table overlooking the water.  The night air was heavy and still, but not too warm.  I decided this could be nice.  Sol dutifully allowed herself to be seated, and I slowly allowed my impression of our host to improve.  It was easy to see that he had been doing this a long time.  He had a distinguished presence, with a hint of snob.

“May I have your waiter bring you something from the bar?”

As I looked at him, Sol’s hand intruded into our view, open and asking.  The bright white tips of her nails made one very aware of what her hands were doing, her fingers curved slightly, as if they were already holding the cigars she was ‘asking’ for. As I produced two cigars from my vest pocket, I saw the maître d’ focus intently on them, his eyes traveled with them from my hands to hers, then abruptly returned to looking directly at me.  I felt certain I was being judged.  ‘Night life’ is goofy; people place so much effort into the impressions they make, or try to make.  I guessed that he recognized the brands, both slightly expensive; a Romeo & Julietta Toro, with its dark Habano wrapper, and a milder Ashton Corona.  I secretly wished he would be there long enough for me to see his expression upon discovering he was wrong about which one was mine.

As the elegant distraction of Sol’s hands was now gone, the maître d’ renewed his query by lifting an eyebrow, remaining motionless, waiting for my bidding.

“Scotch.”

The declaration sounded like someone stating their name rather than selecting from a menu, and it contained one quality I don’t think the maître d’ expected: it was feminine.

“Any Speyside single malt will do.  Neat.”

The end of Sol’s sentence was punctuated with the guillotine snap of my cigar being cut.  I was impressed with the control this man had, his eyes never moved from mine.  He had not even blinked.  Sol broke the wordless tête-à-tête once more, placing my Corona on the table before me. Crossing her legs and slightly reclining, she clasped her teeth around her Toro and lifted the lighter to the task at hand, leaving a black stiletto dangling in the middle of the conversation the maître d’ and I were supposedly having.

After a long moment of trying not to look at Sol’s legs, I broke the silence, lifting my eyebrows as if to say, “anything else?”

He blinked, and turned his glance very intentionally to Sol.  His eyes walked up her body from the slit of her dress to intense glow of her cigar as she drew on it. Sensing what was not being hidden, she withdrew the cigar, tilted her head and exhaled her cigar into the night sky, then lowered her gaze onto the maître d’ and smiled, brightly.     

He turned to me and respectfully offered, “Yes, Sir.”

Not being able to resist the moment, I winked at him as I lit my cigar. 

 

 

Thank you for a wonderful life, Sol.

Daddy Loves You.

solslittlewindow:

And I never, ever, ever want to go back! 

Don’t worry Sweetie, I don’t think you could find your way back if you wanted to…

solslittlewindow:

Please, Daddy? ✹

little princess must always be capitalized, Little Princess, to reflect the importance and entitlement commensurate with being MY Little Princess.

solslittlewindow:

Daddy, will you get me a pair, please? ✹

And where, praytell Little Girl, do I go to get these? Princess Depot?

ispeakalchemy:

I AM, aren’t I? 

Yes, Sol. You are my Baby Girl. You always will be. I am your Daddy. I always will be.

ispeakalchemy:

Where I am happiest. ✹

When I am happiest.

ispeakalchemy:

Where I am happiest. 

When I am happiest.

ispeakalchemy:

Mmmmmmm… . Tighter, Daddy! 

OK, Scarlet. But I’m not going to loosen it later when you start whining.

You should have thought about what happens when Daddy is inside you.

solslittlewindow:

beautys-divine-awakening did my makeup; doesn’t it look divine? We were going to practice for Halloween and Jessica Rabbit, but ended up just experimenting and having a fun Little Day.  I need to learn to apply makeup like this! 

Now off to take pictures of her in her gorgeous Little Red Riding Hood Costume. :)

Wow, Sol. Daddy is really impressed with Beauty’s effect on your Halloween character. I want to get a closer look, though. Come sit in Daddy’s lap for a little while, Sweetie…

solslittlewindow:

beautys-divine-awakening did my makeup; doesn’t it look divine? We were going to practice for Halloween and Jessica Rabbit, but ended up just experimenting and having a fun Little Day. I need to learn to apply makeup like this!

Now off to take pictures of her in her gorgeous Little Red Riding Hood Costume. :)

Wow, Sol. Daddy is really impressed with Beauty’s effect on your Halloween character.

I want to get a closer look, though.
Come sit in Daddy’s lap for a little while, Sweetie…

(via ispeakalchemy)

ispeakalchemy:

I can’t wait, Daddy. ✹

Good morning Sweetheart!I was very proud of you yesterday.  You did wonderful. I know you are worried you disappointed Daddy when he took control, making you do things you didn’t think you could…but that’s not true. You squealed when you felt the warmth of Daddy’s body rushing into you.  And then you looked up at me, with your tears and drenched makeup, and smiled, “Thank You, Daddy!”You are a Good Girl. You made Daddy very happy. Have a great morning, Sol.

ispeakalchemy:

I can’t wait, Daddy.

Good morning Sweetheart!

I was very proud of you yesterday. You did wonderful.

I know you are worried you disappointed Daddy when he took control, making you do things you didn’t think you could…but that’s not true.

You squealed when you felt the warmth of Daddy’s body rushing into you. And then you looked up at me, with your tears and drenched makeup, and smiled, “Thank You, Daddy!”

You are a Good Girl.
You made Daddy very happy.

Have a great morning, Sol.

ispeakalchemy:

Every drop.  It’s *all mine,* right Daddy?

I know it seems like every time you really need this, Daddy is busy.

OK, I’ve decided to indulge you. I moved up my afternoon meeting to…now. After I’m done giving these people the attention they need, I am coming home to give my Little Girl what she needs.

The people in this meeting think I won’t approve of their plans because they see me texting on my phone…they are desperately trying to convince me that they understand what needs to be done, and that they did everything I told them after the last time I told them I would not give them what the needed.

I intend to make you work harder.

Convince me that your need is desperate enough for me to justify stressing out four engineers, making them work through lunch, and torturing them with the appearance that I am not paying attention, warning my Baby Girl about the expectations I am about to levy upon her…

Done.

I am coming home now.
Do not disappoint me…

ispeakalchemy:

Thank you, Daddy,

My purpose is to fill you with warm, invigorating fluids…

Smile, Sweetheart. Daddy loves you.

ispeakalchemy:

Even when my heart was breaking, I still KNEW.

It was you.

It was always you.

Thank you for believing in us. Thank you for coming for me. And thank you for loving me back. ✹

A man can conquer the world, see it laid down before him, and still be blind.

Hear me now…
Without you to love, I am nothing.
Without you here, beside me, chaos is come.
Without you, there is nothing…

I have chosen who I am, and I will never let us go…

solslittlewindow:

"But Daddy,” she began breathlessly, eyes alight, “I swear, I saw them! The water sprites — they were just there —” she gestured, leaning over the fallen log and pointing with excited fingers into the deep green pool beside her.
Her animation made her clumsy, and the log tilted precariously forward, threatening to dump her into the icy, inky depths of the spring. Without thinking, he stepped forward and reached for her. Her shoulder was small and thin but fit easily in his hand, and he drew her back in one sweet motion, even as he felt the foundation she was leaning on giving way. Pulling her towards him as quickly as he did, only her skirt tails got wet — but very wet, indeed.
Still, she didn’t miss a beat.  With impatient fingers, she dusted off the tree bark from the front of her frock and patted her curls back into place, smiling charmingly at her rescuer and then turning back towards the spring.  Eyes just a tad narrowed, she gently scolded, “Grumpy old water nymphs.  I’ll go play with the pixies today, then!”
 And off she flounced, head high but still wringing her skirts out from her brush with the enchanted lake. ✹


I thought perhaps you had forgotten that afternoon, Sol.It is your innocence that compels them to reach for you.I will always be there for you…
Daddy

solslittlewindow:

"But Daddy,” she began breathlessly, eyes alight, “I swear, I saw them! The water sprites — they were just there —” she gestured, leaning over the fallen log and pointing with excited fingers into the deep green pool beside her.

Her animation made her clumsy, and the log tilted precariously forward, threatening to dump her into the icy, inky depths of the spring. Without thinking, he stepped forward and reached for her. Her shoulder was small and thin but fit easily in his hand, and he drew her back in one sweet motion, even as he felt the foundation she was leaning on giving way. Pulling her towards him as quickly as he did, only her skirt tails got wet — but very wet, indeed.

Still, she didn’t miss a beat.  With impatient fingers, she dusted off the tree bark from the front of her frock and patted her curls back into place, smiling charmingly at her rescuer and then turning back towards the spring.  Eyes just a tad narrowed, she gently scolded, “Grumpy old water nymphs.  I’ll go play with the pixies today, then!”

 And off she flounced, head high but still wringing her skirts out from her brush with the enchanted lake. ✹

I thought perhaps you had forgotten that afternoon, Sol.
It is your innocence that compels them to reach for you.

I will always be there for you…

Daddy

(via hotteaandoranges)

hotteaandoranges:

00davo:

astound:

SO HARD NOT TO DANCE WHEN YOU HAVE EARPHONES ON WALKING BY YOURSELF

I’ve just given up trying not to.

You should see me grocery shopping with Motown on, doin’ my Star Lord Strut. 

I be all like, Yeah, this canned chili be lookin’ mighty fine, or Knock me some a’ that lovin’, rutabaga! 

I just don’t care any more. :) ✹

I have a video.

But, I’m not sure if I want to see “The Wrath of Sol”.